As you try to evade the curious eyes, you bury yourself in your phone, hoping no one will realize you’re texting an imaginary boyfriend or scrolling an infinite Twitter feed while sitting solo. 

We’ve all been there, but cue your reality check — you’re probably the only one who cares.

The COVID-19 pandemic paused the parties, canceled the dates, and halted the — well, everything, forcing all of us to spend some much overdue downtime with only ourselves as a company. While some found a greater appreciation for the relationships and connections they had previously taken for granted, others found solace in the alone-time, unearthing their inner introvert. 

And now, as we emerge from lockdown and remote working arrangements, socialization seems alien for those of us who had become accustomed to only interacting via Zoom. A report by the American Psychological Association on the pandemic’s effects, even shows that a majority of adults feel “uneasy about adjusting to in-person interaction once the pandemic ends,” and 57 percent of Black adults, 50 percent of Hispanic adults, 51 percent of Asian adults, and 47 percent of White adults agreed.

It’s as if we have all forgotten how to be around one another in “real life.” 

”The pandemic has definitely created a gap, with people having to face the outside world and deal with a slew of stressors,” agrees Gloria Waitt, a Certified Group Counselor and Licensed Clinical Social Worker at New York’s Fashion Institute of Technology’s Counseling Center.  “This has caused many to have a heightened anxiety around socialization since it has become less routine, but it has also brought about potentially rewarding social experiences.”

Spending more quality time with friends, family, and loved ones has proved to be just one of these rewarding experiences: even 60 percent of families said that they had “grown closer” over the course of the pandemic according to a survey by the American Academy of Pediatrics. 

Another unexpected and positive side effect? Many have found solace and even confidence within their forced sense of independence. “It’s not you, it’s me,” has taken on a whole new meaning as many have begun to enjoy their own company, just as much as they had once enjoyed others.

“Before the pandemic, I was already pretty independent, but still felt the need to go everywhere practically attached at the hip with my friends,” says Brandon Feuerstein, 22. “Now, I’m much more comfortable with that independence and doing things that I love just because I want to, regardless of if someone’s with me.”

Whether you call it a self-date or a solo-date, it has become increasingly popular for people to go it alone with activities that pre-pandemic were generally for two or more. Even a basic coffee shop date would suffice for those new to the solo-dating scene. Truly courageous self-daters have even mastered the art of buying themselves that overpriced movie theater candy, plopping themselves down in a stale-smelling theater, and enjoying at-most, subpar romantic comedies without the pathetic Bridget Jones label being tossed their way.

Take the Australian health and lifestyle influencer, Bree Lenehan. Every week, the 25-year-old documents herself on a different “date” alone through her series of popular videos called “Solo-Dates.” From rather simple dates, like brief deli lunches paired with some sweet window shopping to more adventurous excursions like a water park — yes, wave pool and everything —  she, like many others on social media, seems to have abandoned the traditional date altogether.

“The reason I started taking myself on these dates is because I’d always lacked confidence,” explains Lenehan on her Instagram page. “So now at 25, I’ve started dating myself. It was my way of pushing myself out of my comfort zone and into situations I’d usually avoid to prove that I can enjoy my own company, and I will grow into my happiest, most confident self. ”

Other vloggers, and even TikTokers, have started to date themselves as well, posting inspirational videos on not only the benefits of self-dating but even providing ideas, how-to’s, and how to overcome the familiar pitfalls.

Table For One

Single folk know all too well the fear of asking the waiter for “a table of one please.” But in a world where the fast-paced keeps getting faster, and time is everyone’s most limited and valued resource, going solo may be the way for people to truly get to enjoy what life has to offer.

“Moving through the world to do things by yourself creates a sense of self and strong identity where you know your thoughts, reactions, and things that you like and dislike,” Waitt confirms.

Going It Alone

In New York City alone, a staggering 57 percent of people are single, according to the 2020 U.S. Census. So, in one of the biggest cities in the world, where more than half of the population finds themselves mateless, chances are when going places, most people are flying solo. But is it all that bad? They’re able to do whatever they want, whenever they want, and who’s to complain about that?

Look around any old Manhattan coffee shop. Count how many people you see sitting alone while sipping their cappuccinos or perusing a book with their pastry. There’s a pretty good chance you’ll start to feel less alone.   

Dating yourself isn’t exclusive to those who have yet to find their soulmate, though. Many people in loving, healthy, and long-term relationships still find enjoyment in taking themselves places without their partner. 

Kateri Killilea, 20, and her boyfriend, Trevor, also 20, have mastered just that during their almost five-year relationship. “It’s really important to both of us to be able to do things on our own, and I think it’s one of the reasons we’ve been dating for so long,” she says. “I don’t think I could date someone that had to be with me 24/7 — God, I’d feel so suffocated. For both of us to be able to do things on our own really makes getting to see one another so much more special.”

For some though, dating yourself is not merely exclusive to those who find themselves either in or out of a relationship. At any phase in life, self-dating can prove to be not only beneficial but even healing.

When Lisa Elliot, 44, found herself facing a divorce after two kids and ten years of marriage, finding out how to do things on her own wasn’t originally an easy feat to overcome. “It really took me a while to figure it out. I had to relearn everything, and that was very depressing and difficult at first,” she explains. “But it taught me that I was intelligent, funny, and personable, and those are things I had forgotten throughout my marriage.” 

Even some, like Mary Emes, 70, who never felt the need to settle down, have also found that doing things alone can be really exceptional. “Dang, being tied down to someone? Yeah, no thank you,” she says laughing. “I’ve always done things on my own, like cruises! Oh, I love going on cruises alone. It’s absolutely glorious just getting to be selfish and spend time alone while not having to worry about another person who’s tagging along.”

So, if going places solo is so rewarding, why do the majority of people find it so difficult to do?

“Your happiness is not contingent on someone else. That’s something that’s been programmed into you by movies, advertising, social norms, social media, and old blueprints,” says author, John Kim, in his book, Single on Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First. “We must get rid of the great misconceptions about life, the idea that you can’t be happy unless you are with someone.”

So maybe it really is all in our heads (just like that trusty imaginary boyfriend we text to feel comfortable). If that’s the case, taking ourselves out just got a million times easier. One of the first steps to dating yourself according to Lenehan? Diving right in.

“Taking yourself on dates sounds intimidating, weird, and uncomfortable — trust me, I know,” she says on her page. “But I believe it’s one of the best ways to practice independence, self-sufficiency, self-care, and self-love.”

While we all may still have some major FOMO — in this case, the “fear-of-missing-others” — from time to time, it can truly be more gratifying to explore the world and experience what it has to offer through our own eyes and with our own company, especially after the pandemic’s forced isolation.

As Lenehan’s page says, “I feel like dating myself has brought me back to those moments where you just fall in love with being alive, and all the outside noise just kind of melts away. Growth can only be found outside of your comfort zone.”

Together forever: you+yourself. It might just be the best relationship you’re ever going to have.