When your mom is a professional ballerina, you’re practically raised in the theater. You’re huddled in the stage wings, trying to avoid rogue pointe shoes, and you’re coloring outside the lines as you wait through hours upon hours of rehearsals (and never forgetting the stale smell of sweat). The studio’s barres are your own personal jungle gym navigated in a diaper-tutu ensemble. 

Most importantly, you’re learning what to do and what not to do while in the theater. 

While going to the theater was once an event in itself, with everyone dressing to the nines in silks and satins; nowadays, things look quite different. Yet, I always assumed that theater etiquette was something that everybody understood.

Apparently, I was wrong.

As theater makes its highly anticipated return following a nearly two-year hiatus due to the COVID-19 pandemic, performers and audience members are adjusting to its resurgence after an unexpected leave of absence. Performers are shaking off the performance-cobwebs while audience members are lining up to see beloved performances once more and brushing up on their theater manners — or lack of — in the process.

“Truthfully, I think it’s about the same in terms of etiquette [since the pandemic],” says New York City-based singer and performer, Katie Dixon, 33. “I think the real problem is that most people just don’t really know to begin with, or weren’t brought up being taught those types of things.”

Unsurprisingly, my first excursion to the theater after the pandemic was a ballet performed by the American Ballet Theatre (ABT) at Lincoln Center. A classic (a favorite of my mother’s and mine), Giselle, tells the Gothic romance of a young woman tricked into love, and dying of a broken heart (oh, the drama). 

After months of dearly missing ballet’s grace, principal dancers Isabella Boylston (who danced the lead role of Giselle) and James Whiteside (her romantic counterpart, Albrecht) brought its magic to life once again. I was absolutely enthralled with the performance practically joining the company and dancing the variations from my seat. 

Then a cacophony of bronchitis-like coughs interrupted the joyous “Harvest Festival,” lasting what felt like fifteen minutes. A second jolt: an usher flashing a light, guiding in a trio of latecomers. Twenty minutes late? Come on...at that point, wait for intermission... 

And yet again: someone — with a double offense — wearing ripped jeans and Skechers sneakers all while crumpling an unidentified wrapper during the “Peasant Pas de Deux.”

No question, modern theater manners are much looser than what they ever were…if not gone entirely. 

It’s not as if the theater is something all that exclusive anymore. If you wander around the Manhattan Theater District you’re sure to find families who are all but foreign to the concept of theater and who slap on a pair of “nice” jeans, roll into Disney’s latest musical rendition of Aladdin (which is amazing I must say), and crinkle a wine sippy-cup and M&Ms through the entire second act. 

It’s no surprise that most shows are familiar with similar interruptions: audiences are often full of theater newbies. 

According to a report by the Broadway League, Broadway’s 2018-2019 season saw audiences that were made up of nearly 65 percent of tourists. New to the theater? Probably. Welcomed and heavily relied on? Absolutely.

No wonder you might hear so many wrappers during a performance. The majority of the audience is most likely unaware of the necessary dos and don'ts. It’s not their fault, though. It’s not as if theaters are hammering signs on their doors to help them learn the ropes.

“I’d much rather have an audience in t-shirts and jeans than no audience at all,” says Spencer Leopold, 33, a middle school drama teacher and opera singer from New York City.

So, who cares if you wear flip-flops to that matinee of Chicago, or let your phone ring while Odile is busting out 32 fouettes in Swan Lake? The truth is, the theater police aren’t going to arrest you, but you might just tick off some audience members and absolutely distract the performers — don’t say I didn’t warn you if you get some nasty looks.

Not only is it not fair to your fellow audience members who have paid to see the show, but disruptions also detract from the performance itself as it can break down a performer’s “fourth wall,” as Leopold puts it. In other words, your disruption can directly take away from the quality of the performance. 

Every once in a while there is always that awkward instance where you might not like what you’re seeing. What do you do if you hate the performance?

Simple. Be courteous. Don’t boo, or get up and leave during the middle of a song or monologue; instead, wait for intermission to excuse yourself. No intermission? No problem. Politely and quietly excuse yourself during an applause so as to not distract the performers or others who are enjoying the show.

What it all truly comes down to is respect and courtesy. 

“You should still have a level of respect for what was just presented to you,” says Leopold. “Whether you like the show or not, respect the fact that these people — cast, crew, directors, playwrights — put all this work into what you’re seeing.”

As we’re taught from a very young age, manners show respect for not only ourselves but for others as well. By adhering to basic theater etiquette, you’re granting the performers, crew, and all other show participants the respect and gratitude that they deserve for all of the time and effort they’ve put into the performance. All the while you’re also showing respect to your fellow audience by allowing them to enjoy the performance as it was meant to.

So, for those unfamiliar with some of the more universal aspects of proper theater etiquette, here’s a quick crash course, courtesy of a bevy of theater professionals and The Etiquette School of New York.

1. Dress for the occasion. Think of going to the theater as a special occasion, because it is. Casual attire is perfectly acceptable now, but that doesn’t mean sloppy. Be comfortable, yet polished. Try a nice pair of slacks that won’t make you feel restricted, a nice blouse or shirt with sleeves in case the theater is chilly (most tend to be), and a nice pair of loafers or boots that don’t pinch your toes. Remember, this isn’t a runway show, so those stilettos in the back of your closet aren’t required.

2. Be on time. It shows respect for both the actors on the stage and other theater-goers. “When you’re Clara in The Nutcracker, you’re taking in absolutely every moment,” says Emily Fretz, 20, an apprentice at Carolina Ballet. “I remember my first performance that year when someone waltzed in during “Snow Scene” — like twenty-five minutes into the show — and my heart just sank. I just really wanted the show, and my performance, to mean something important to everyone!”

3. Go to the restroom before you sit down, or at the intermission, not during the performance. It will not only be disruptive to persons seated in your row and the rows around you, but also to the actors on the stage. “If you have to get up during a performance try to wait until an applause, or I’m sorry, just hold it,” confirms Leopold.

4. Refrain from talking during a live performance once it has begun. Does it really need to be said right then and there? Your whispering is also probably not as quiet as you might think. Singing along, humming, and whistling is also a big no unless you’re asked to participate by the performers.

5. Turn off your cell phone. “It’s my absolute biggest pet peeve,” says Dixon. “I’m trying to stay on pitch, and the worst thing is I do concerts, so I can really see everyone. We make eye contact, like come on, put it away.” Note: this is not exclusive to only ringers. The performers can see those screens glowing from the stage too!

6. Unwrap candy, chips, cough drops, or any other snack before the show begins or if you must give in to your sweet tooth, wait until an applause to mask the noise from the wrappers. 

7. Fidgeting is incredibly distracting to the people around you and, yes, even those on stage. Don’t think you’re invisible from the stage.

8. Remove your hat, but don’t remove your shoes… That Yankees hat can come off for a couple of hours to let the audience behind you see, but let’s not get too comfortable and take off our shoes as well. 

9. Respect other people’s personal space. Try to stay within the boundaries of your own chair by not taking both armrests. Your Fifth Avenue shopping spring also doesn’t belong under your seat; check your bags before you’re seated. “That’s the worst when you’re getting elbowed by a complete stranger over the armrest,” says Dixon. “Keep your elbows to yourself!”

10. Most importantly, be respectful and appreciative by clapping at the appropriate times and, especially, by staying awake. Some coffee might do you some good if you’re really that exhausted. “It’s the least you can do to show your respect,” explains Leopold.