There’s nothing like a good ol’ mascara-stained, blotchy-faced cry (no mascara required). Your cheeks are raw, your breath skips a beat, and you’re finally overcome with a cathartic sense of calm — the calm after the storm. 

There’s no denying that a good crying session always leaves you feeling loads better, so, why not cry more often?

While crying is an incredibly normal and even innate thing to do, many still feel that crying is a sign of weakness. Shedding a tear, or two, or even a hundred can be more beneficial in more ways than one, though. It might be time to start embracing crying as a part of our weekly or even daily routines because, let’s face it — “big girls don’t cry” is actually bullsh*t (sorry, Fergie).

Crying is a natural way for the body to release built-up emotions. In doing so, we can ultimately rid ourselves of any excess stress or emotional pain. According to some research, it’s even thought to be a self-soothing technique as the body releases endorphins and oxytocin. 

“When you suppress your emotions, it can actually start to show up in other ways such as subconscious actions or psychosomatic manifestations,” notes Gloria Waitt, a Certified Group Counselor and Licensed Clinical Social Worker at New York’s Fashion Institute of Technology’s Counseling Center. She also warns that “holding in your feelings or not having control over your emotions can lead to pain or even poor decisions.”

Keeping intense emotions pent up can also lead to many other issues—increases in stress, a weaker immune system, hypertension, cardiovascular disease, and a range of mental health problems.

Everyone cries — there’s no denying it. So, if it’s so normal, what’s the big deal? 

All of us come into this world crying, and yet as we grow up, crying becomes a release that many people don’t seem to indulge in. At some point in our adolescence (a moment that seems more difficult to pinpoint with every passing year), there’s an overarching notion that we should no longer express certain emotions in front of others or simply at all. We’re grown-ups now after all and should handle our emotions as such (a.k.a. by probably not handling them at all).

Forget growing pains, how about growing-out-of-emotions pains?

Although adulthood offers us the means of being more emotionally mature, showing emotions can prove to be a tricky game for fear of being labeled “immature.” But what’s so immature about properly handling and expressing your emotions?

“Expressing emotions naturally and appropriately is more a sign of maturity and beauty in your character than of immaturity,” confirms Waitt.

At the same time, our society has inadvertently taught us that emotions are apparently gendered. 

From a young age, we’re taught that girls are “emotional” and boys, in opposition, should be practically “emotionless.” We then tend to associate these ranges of emotions, or lack thereof, with certain aspects of femininity and masculinity. 

Boys are meant to be “tough,” and devoid of any emotion almost entirely, while girls are often considered “over-emotional” and irrational. This emotional stereotyping follows us our entire lives, leaving people with a very warped perception of feelings and how to properly express them.  

“There are certainly gender stigmas surrounding emotions. I think the most common one is that men are prone to anger and women to sadness which are really two ways to react to the same emotion, (feeling emotionally wounded),” states Waitt. “It can be detrimental to society because men and women can be socialized differently as children, making them feel cut off or ‘not allowed’ to experience the full tapestry of human emotion.”

As if showing certain types and even degrees of emotions truly has any direct correlation with certain characteristics associated with gender?

“On average I think I only cry about once a year I’d say,” states John Schroeder, 55. “However, I feel like crying more often, maybe once a month? It really depends on the life experiences I am faced with.”

According to the American Psychological Association, women cry “emotional tears” an average of 30 to 64 times per year compared to that of men who only cry emotional tears an average of 5 to 17 times per year. With such a significant difference in such an intimate, emotional release, perhaps it truly does seem that women are much more emotional.

But are they really? Or are they just better at expressing and handling those emotions?

A new study featured in Nature Portfolio may suggest just that, as its research has found that men actually are just as emotional as women.   

“Women and men have the same inner emotional lives, though people may express it differently depending on their personality type and how they’ve been socialized,” expresses Waitt. “I believe some men struggle to express their emotions though, especially when they’re socialized not to show any, being told it’s a sign of weakness.”

Men though have often found themselves bound to face scrutiny at the slightest wrinkle of a brow or droop in a smile. For fear of being labeled a “sissy” or a “p*ssy,” or any other inherently feminine term that's meant to instill feelings of inferiority and fragility, men are inclined to hide their emotions — especially their tears.

“I mean everyone has feelings, but not everyone is necessarily allowed to show them, especially in today’s society," says Mackenzie Pierchala, 20, a student at Binghamton University. “I’ve never seen my dad cry. It’s really disheartening because I know he cries…he just doesn’t let anyone see it, and I know it’s because he feels like he has to be this big, strong man.”

Oftentimes we see these vulnerable men as the butt of many jokes. From movies to podcasts (cough cough, Barstool), to books, men expressing their feelings tend to find themselves the punchline of a neverending slew of often crude and “emasculating” laughs.

No wonder men are prone to take on a “never let them see you cry” approach if they’re inclined to cry at all — they’re programmed to feel or be seen as weak if they do.

If we think historically, tears and weakness have been practically synonymous. From the media we consume, to what we learn in our textbooks, it should come as no surprise that crying is described as “for babies and little girls.”

Forcing our emotions into boxes based on gender or society’s views can have very negative effects, however.

This isn’t to say that there aren’t people out there who embrace and healthily handle their emotions, but more often than not, these ideas are deeply embedded into society and our subconscious.

“I tend to handle my emotions through the process of thinking, a sort of inner dialogue to process. This works to an extent, but often is not enough,” says Schroeder. “Family and friends are a good place for me to go to share that inner dialogue and those feelings. Whether happy, sad, frustrated, or some other emotion or feeling, sharing is often therapeutic for me and beneficial.”

When handling these feelings, one may find themselves a bit overwhelmed, but don’t worry, there’s no need to be concerned about being “too emotional.”

“Emotions are different for everyone,” confirms Waitt. “However, those who feel that their emotions are causing problems with relationships or daily functioning should see a professional as they may be experiencing mental health issues.”

Whether your crying style is very Elle Woods-esque (hysterical, a bit noisy, and giving “hot mess chic”) or you prefer to cry in the comfort of your own company (a shower cry always hits the spot), accepting that crying is a healthy, normal, and necessary part of all of our lives is essential—it’s time to embrace it.

So, how can you incorporate the waterworks into your routine?

Perhaps next time you feel your emotions getting away from you or that the stress is becoming too overbearing, turn on your favorite sad movie (Steel Magnolias is a personal favorite sob-starter—criers beware) or tear-jerking song, and wah, wah, wah…cry away. 

If that seems too daunting a task to try if you’re new to this whole crying thing or find it nearly impossible to produce a tear, start simpler.

“Do some research to learn about the benefits of crying and how we’ve evolved to have such a marvelous way to release feeling,” advises Waitt. “See a therapist or write in a journal to reflect on your feelings and be in greater touch with them! Feelings contain wonderful information about you and your inner world.”

So, cry about it. Whether that means crying once a week, once an hour, or simply facing an emotion that you’re feeling in the moment, it’s time to face our tears.